A thirty-something Muslim woman, battling with her demons whilst embracing motherhood. Right now, this is how I would describe myself. This may change tomorrow, or next week, but right now, this is me.
Motherhood is something I’ve always wanted and alhamdullilah, it’s something I’ve been fortunate enough to have been granted. It’s hard. It’s truly difficult. I won’t wrap it up all nice and shiny and put a bow on top for you. It’s hard.
But it’s also rewarding: that first smile, the genuine kind that isn’t due to wind; the fact that only you can comfort your baby; the fact that your scent, your presence is enough to calm her; the fact that in a crowded room her eyes will search you out; the fact that when tiny, she will fake feeding cues in order to come back to your familiar arms when being held by others.
Right now, motherhood is so many things: endless joy, tears of exhaustion and bountiful tribulations. My biggest fear is that I’ll fail her somehow; that I’ll mess it up and not give her the life she deserves. Bringing her up is not going to be easy, but it’ll be an adventure!
InshaAllah when things seem dark and the sun never seems to shine, you’ll find us dancing in the rain.